Slow Day at the Salon
By Shear Delighter
Damn! I threw the lawyer’s letter down on the table and rubbed my eyes, hoping it would read differently when I looked at it again. Mrs. Gordon Taylor Adams was going to win! Again… Damn it! I can’t F’n believe it! The letter was from Mrs. Gordon’s personal attorney and he was giving my sister, Kathy, 48 hours to vacate the house she was living in. She had been
there for about 3 years and had an option to buy at the end of the year. She had just gotten back from a short vacation, visiting an old friend and this is what she had to deal with. One of her house cleaning customers had stopped payment on the check she deposited when she left that was to pay the rent, so of course her rent check bounced too. Not being home to know about it or correct it, proved unfortunate.
This was the grounds to evict her without cause. Suspiciously, the woman who stopped payment was good friends with Mrs. Taylor and rumors connecting the timing were not flattering.
Kathy, my sister was beside herself, but I couldn’t get her to take a Valium pill for anything. She would only calm down when I promised l would find a way to make Mrs.Taylor pay for doing this.
So Kathy, her hairdresser friend Tina, and I sat down to come up with a punishment that would humiliate good ole Mrs. Taylor. Tina revealed that Mrs. Taylor got her hair done at her salon and had a running appointment to come in at 2pm every 1st Wednesday of the month. It was always a slow day and she preferred the quiet, and personal attention. She was always driven there by an older woman with salt n’ pepper hair, who would sit in the waiting chairs until she was done and ready to go home. Salt n’ pepper? my sister blurted out. What does she look like? Tina thought for a second and said, “She always has this red and blue plaid purse that she puts in an empty seat beside her” That’s all l can remember. “That’s the woman who stopped payment on my house cleaning check”, exclaimed Kathy, shaking with anger. How could she do this? Why would she do this to me?
This makes this plan even MORE interesting l thought as the gears in my head started turning. Much more interesting!
After about two hours of planning, we came up with this:
On the next 1st Wednesday at 2pm, there will be a hair harvesting invasion at Tina’s salon. My buddy Jake and I will wear ski masks and “break-in” through the unlocked rear door. The phone lines would be disconnected and we would confiscate their purses and phones, including Tina’s, who would not give me both of her phones, and I would have to buzz her first as punishment. That should keep her from being a suspect when the police arrived. She was planning on buzzing it all off in a couple of weeks anyway, so she was definitely in on that…
We did a few trial runs and came up with a simple signaling code instead of talking and revealing our voices. Tina would be given a letter to read out loud, informing them what we were here for: Simply to cut off and take their hair
We wanted no money, no jewelry, just their hair.
Jake would be there to assist and restrain any resistance, if necessary. He would also film the entire thing on his phone, so Kathy could watch it later.
The 1st Wednesday quickly came and we were ready to dispense a little justice.
Tina would be the only employee there as that was the day the rest of the staff took off for the day at noon. Mrs Taylor would be the only customer, as three cancellations came in earlier.
Kathy drove us in her car, and would provide “getaway” but was wearing a mask too, just in case someone saw her.
Well the day quickly came and it was time to pull this off.
We slowly drove up and got out in the woods next to the salon and Kathy stayed in the car on a dirt road, ready to drive us away when the deed was done.
The back door opened but we had to wait for her S&P driver to come out of the bathroom. We followed her in and Jake grabbed her arms and tied her up in one of the “barber chairs”.
Jake then pulled Mrs. Taylor up and did the same with her.
Tina read our little statement & both of the women squirmed to get free. We caught Tina trying to text on her “secret” 2nd phone and Jake grabbed her and forced her into the remaining chair holding her while I quickly clippered her bald. Her tears seemed convincingly real. Real enough for both of the woman to start sobbing, knowing that this was very real and their time was coming, and coming soon. Jake filmed all of this, especially Mrs. Taylor. I believe Kathy will enjoy this very much.
Now Miss Salt n’ Pepper’s mane was actually very nice. A soft semi-short style that actually befit her age. I took the clippers and unmercifully plowed through all that black & white silk until it all laid on the floor, where Jake carefully stuffed it into a zip-lock baggy. A shame because that contrast was really quite beautiful, with “was” being the term for today. Mrs. Taylor begged me not to cut her hair, explaining that she was an important member of the town, and that the people there would hunt us down. I quietly smirked and looked at her frosted shoulder length hair with layered curled wings that definitely were not meant for a woman of her age, so much so that her hair style was a well known source of amusement for the whole town. I found the very large and heavy Oyster clippers, and mowed that pathetic out of date hairdo that she was always so proud of, right down the middle. I took a hand held mirror, and made her look at the totally bald stripe and she sobbed as l quickly buzzed the rest of her hair all off. Jake shot several photos of the entire shearing on his digital camera that would be pushed under the editor’s door at the local newspaper, hopefully front page material as Mrs. Taylor had made several enemies all over town with her arrogant self-proclaimed power she constantly wielded. The police called it a “prank”, and really didn’t care about looking very hard for the perpetrators. The only ones who would be looking for us? Anyone who wished they could shake our hands. Well Mrs. Taylor and her friend can now be seen shopping in town, sporting their buzz cuts under their frilly garden hats, that can’t hide their shaved sides and necks. I guess those wigs were way too hot for this Southern town…
By the way, the smell of burning frosted curls and
salt n’ pepper hair was enjoyed by all involved, especially Kathy, who Tina “gifted” with a baggy of her freely given up severed hair, as a reminder that justice was served.