Getting Even

Getting Even

Getting Even by Dr. Demento

It was mid-May and the heat of summer was already unbearable. No matter what type of clothing one wore, they stuck to the body like Velcro. School was in its final month before summer break and Annie, like many other teenagers, couldn’t wait.

Annie loved to play practical jokes on anyone and everyone she could; especially her older half-sister Marie. The final straw came early on a Saturday morning when Marie was in the bathroom taking her shower. Until that moment, the house was quiet. Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream filled the house. Tonya, Annie’s mother, ran to the bathroom to see what all the commotion was about. When she entered the bathroom, Marie was standing in the shower holding clumps of her hair in her hands. There were bald patches all over her head where her hair had come out. Tonya’s eyes widened.

“What in God’s name…?” she said as she looked at Marie

“That… that little BITCH!” Marie screamed as she clutched her hair

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“Marie!” Tonya yelled. “I have told you about that language in this house!” she finished as she placed her hands on her hips. “What happened to your hair?” Tonya questioned.

“You know what happened! That…that little shit! SHE did this!” Marie said as she began to cry. Tonya felt her anger grow as she shouted.

“Annie! Get yourself in here NOW!” she said screaming. Within seconds, Annie appeared in the doorway of the bathroom.

“Oh my God, Marie. What did you do to your hair?” Annie questioned innocently.

“Annie!” Tonya screamed. Quickly interrupted by Marie.

“You little cunt! You fucking ruined my hair!” Marie shouted through her tears. Annie stood by her innocence.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” she exclaimed as she looked at Marie. Tonya had reached the end of her patience with both of them.

“Stop it! Both of you!” she voiced loudly as she grabbed Annie by the arm.

“You liar!” Marie screamed. “You put Nair in my hair conditioner!” Marie shouted as she held out the clumps of her hair. Tonya looked at Annie sternly.

“Did you, Annie?” Tonya questioned as calmly as she could. “You best not lie to me young lady or there will be hell to pay!” she continued. Annie just stood there looking at her mother. “Annie! I want an answer! Did you put Nair in your sister’s conditioner?” Tonya said, gritting her teeth.

“No. I didn’t mom,” Annie said with finality. Marie began screaming at the top of her lungs as she cried harder. “Liar! Liar! Liar!” Marie’s tears flowed hard as she placed her hands on top of her head and put her face in the corner of the shower.

“Oooohhhh!” Tonya grunted through her gritted teeth. “That’s it! I’ve had it with you young lady! Get your ass to your room. I will deal with you later!” Tonya said as she grabbed Annie’s arm and shoved her out of the bathroom. Tonya turned back to Marie and placed her hand on her daughter’s back. “Honey…” She paused as she tried to find words to comfort her. “I know what Annie did was mean and I’m sorry. She WILL be punished. I know what I’m saying won’t undo what she did to your hair, but she will be sorry she did this to you. Go ahead and finish your shower and get dressed,” Tonya said softly as she kissed Marie’s shoulder and left the bathroom.

Tonya knew there was no saving Marie’s hair; it was too badly damaged. There were far too many bald spots all over her head. She knew the only solution was to have it all shaved off. She went back downstairs and placed a call to her friend Tracy who was willing to help her in her dilemma. Marie did as she was told and finished her shower. As she stepped out of the shower, she looked back and saw most of her hair lying in the bottom of the tub. Her tears fell harder again as she dried off and got dressed. She walked downstairs and into the living room where her mother was. Tonya gave a smile and patted the couch cushion next to her. Marie walked over and sat down and Tonya hugged her with reassurance. Tonya reached over and handed Marie a scarf.

“Here. Put this over your head,” she stated as she helped her daughter tie it. “I won’t lie to you honey…” Tonya paused briefly. “You know what has to be done,” she said as warmly as she could. Marie looked at her mother with tear-filled eyes and nodded her head. Tonya placed Marie’s head on her shoulder and cradled it in her hand for comfort.

“Annie!” Tonya yelled. “Get down here,” she said as she told Marie to go and wait in the car. Marie looked at her mother for a moment and walked outside. Annie bounced down the stairs as if nothing was wrong. She walked to Tonya innocently.

“Yes, mom?” she said softly.

“I need to take your sister to get the rest of her hair cut off,” she said in a monotone voice.

“That was awful what she did to her hair, mom,” Annie voiced; still maintaining her innocence. “Is Marie going to be bald?” she questioned with a hint of concern.

“Yes, unfortunately.” Tonya paused with a sigh, knowing well that Annie was the culprit. “I have to run some errands afterwards and I won’t be home until later. I don’t want to leave you here by yourself, so let’s go,” Tonya stated as she grabbed her purse.

“Oh, I’ll be okay here, mom,” Annie said as she started to walk away.

“No. You know I don’t like leaving you here alone. Let’s go,” Tonya said as she tugged on Annie’s shirt ushering her towards the door. “Not a word to your sister, Annie. I mean it,” Tonya said sternly. Annie just shrugged her shoulders and walked outside with her mother and got into the car. After about 20 minutes they pulled up in front of the barbershop.

Tonya opened the door and held it open as the two girls went inside. A receptionist who spoke directly to Tonya greeted them.

“Hi. May I help you?” she questioned.

“Yes. My name is Tonya Miller. I spoke with Tracy on the phone about an hour ago,” Tonya voiced as she told the girls to go sit down.

“Ah, yes, of course. Tracy told me to be expecting you. She’s in the back. If you’ll have a seat, I’ll go tell her your here,” The receptionist said with a smile as she went through a door. Tonya was still standing when Tracy came to the reception desk.

“Tonya!” Tracy said with a smile as she hugged her friend. “If you will follow me, we can get started,” Tracy said as she gestured. Tonya motioned for the girls and all three followed Tracy into the next room.

“Hi Marie. I’m Tracy and I’ll be cutting your hair,” she said as she extended her hand. “Please, have a seat and let’s have a look,” Tracy said as she pointed to the barber’s chair. Marie hesitantly walked over and sat down as Tonya and Annie sat across from her. Tracy untied the scarf and removed it. “Well…” Tracy paused. “Unfortunately, there’s only one thing I can do honey,” Tracy said sympathetically. Marie sat quietly and just nodded. Tracy opened the hair cape and placed it around Marie and fastened it. “I know how upset you must be… but, look at the bright side. As hot as it’s been, you will definitely be a lot cooler,” Tracy said with a smile as she tried to get Marie to smile.

Tracy walked over to her station and picked up a big set of electric clippers. Standing next to Marie, she turned them on and the pop they made caused Marie to jump. “If it will help honey, just close your eyes and I’ll try to get this over as quickly as I can,” Tracy said reassuringly as she placed the clippers to Marie’s forehead. Marie closed her eyes tightly. “Ready?” Tracy asked quietly. Marie nodded. Tracy began to push the clippers across the top of Marie’s head as the hair fell onto her shoulders. One pass after another, the clippers reduced what was left of Marie’s hair down to fine fuzz. Within a matter of minutes, Marie had a close military buzz cut. The bald patches were very evident now since there was no long hair to cover any of them up. Tracy turned off the clippers and put them back on her station table. She reached inside a stainless steel container and took out a steaming towel and wrapped it around Marie’s head. Tonya kept looking at her daughter and giving her a smile for support, even though Marie’s eyes were still closed. After a few minutes, Tracy removed the towel and spread warm lather across Marie’s head. Returning to the container, Tracy took out another towel and re-wrapped Marie’s head. This time, Marie let out a faint sigh. Almost as if she were beginning to enjoy the warmth. Annie just watched as her sister sat in the chair. She couldn’t believe she was going to watch her sister get shaved bald. Tracy removed the towel once again and took warm lather and spread it on Marie’s head once again. She picked up a straight razor and stood behind Marie. Slowly, she began shaving away the shaving cream and stubble from Marie’s head. One stroke after another, Marie’s head was becoming completely bald. The top was pale and white and as bald as a billiard ball as Tracy continued shaving. The sides, then the back quickly looked like the top of her head. Within 20 minutes, it was done. Marie was completely bald. Tracy used the wet towel to wipe off any excess shaving cream from Marie’s head. She then poured a small amount of warm oil into the palm of her hand and spread it across Marie’s bald scalp to soothe and condition her head. Tracy untied the hair cape and dusted off Marie’s neck.

“Okay, honey. You’re all done,” Tracy said as she turned her towards the big mirror. Marie slowly opened her eyes and looked at her bald head. She took her right hand and lightly rubbed it across her hairless head. Tonya looked at Marie and smiled. Marie got out of the chair and walked over to her mom. Annie stood up and waited for her mom to get up. Instead, Tonya looked at Tracy and nodded.

“Get in the chair Annie,” Tonya said matter-of-factly. Annie spun around and looked at her mother with wide eyes.

“What!” Annie’s jaw hung open. “No way!” she retorted sarcastically.

“Don’t make me get up, Annie. Now!” Tonya said sternly as she looked at Annie. Annie quickly headed for the door but was stopped by none other than her sister, Marie.

“You’re getting in that chair Annie if I have to sit on you!” she said as she began to drag Annie towards the chair. Annie began kicking and screaming wildly. Tonya and Tracy quickly ran to Marie’s side. Tracy grabbed some duct tape and placed it over Annie’s mouth while Tonya and Marie kept dragging her towards the chair. Finally, Annie was held down in the chair still trying to scream through the duct tape over her mouth. Tracy grabbed some leather straps and tied Annie’s legs and arms to the chair. She then took a longer strap and placed it across Annie’s waist. Annie was trying to free herself as she bucked and screamed through the tape. Her eyes began to well up with tears as she looked at her mother.

“You brought this on yourself, young lady. I told you not to lie to me about what you did to your sister’s hair. Now, you left me no choice. Obviously, you thought it was funny to see your sister lose all her hair and get shaved bald. I think your punishment should fit the crime. I hope this will be one practical joke you will learn your lesson from,” Tonya said sternly as she stood in front of Annie. She walked over and sat down next to Marie. “Shave her head,” Tonya stated as she looked directly at Tracy. Tracy nodded and walked over to Annie’s left ear.

“You think your sister is bald?” she questioned. “Wait until I’m finished with you,” she voiced with an evil smile. Annie began to cry.

“Awe, that’s it sis. Go ahead and cry. In just a while, your head will be balder than mine!” Marie taunted as Annie tried to beg through the duct tape. Tracy walked over and picked up the clippers and stood behind Annie. She placed her hand on Annie’s head to force her to hold still but Annie kept resisting by jerking her head.

“Annie. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. It’s up to you,” Tracy said as she put down the clippers and returned to Annie’s side holding a syringe. Annie’s eyes widened and she tried to scream. “This is a muscle relaxer. Do I have to use this, Annie?” Tracy questioned with a raised brow. “Your mother told me about the fear you have of needles. Which is it going to be?” Tracy said as she moved the needle closer to Annie’s arm. Annie began screaming muffled screams frantically. Tracy pulled away the needle. Annie’s screams subsided as she breathed heavily. “Are you going to behave and be a good girl then?” Tracy spoke with authority. Annie nodded as the tears flowed down her cheeks. “Good. But, I warn you. The second you act up, you get the shot with that big needle. Do you understand me?” Again, Annie nodded slowly her confirmation. Tracy placed the syringe back on the table and picked up the clippers and turned them on. She stood behind Annie and placed them on her forehead.

“Take one last look at your pretty hair, Annie. You’re going to be bald just like me!” Marie said tauntingly. Annie looked into the big mirror behind where her mother and Marie were sitting.

“Shave her bald, like her sister,” Tonya stated firmly as she placed her hand on Marie’s head and rubbed it softly.

Tracy held the clippers firmly in her hand and pushed them back over the top of Annie’s head. A bald path appeared down the center of her hairline. Annie held her eyes tightly shut. Marie began to smile from ear to ear; soon, Annie would be completely bald. Tracy kept mowing one bald path after another until the top of Annie’s head was down to stubble. Tilting Annie’s head to the right, she began buzzing the left side. Annie sat helplessly as Tracy continued to shave her head, her tears still flowing heavily and her body trembling. Tonya sat watching her daughter get her just punishment for what she had done to Marie. Tracy tilted Annie’s head to the left and buzzed the right side. Annie’s long, curly red hair was raining down all over her and onto the floor. Quickly, Tracy pushed Annie’s head downward until her chin was touching her chest. With finality, Tracy buzzed off the last remnants of Annie’s precious hair. The last long curly locks fell to the floor; it was finished. Tracy turned off the clippers and rubbed her hand over Annie’s denuded scalp; dusting off the last vestige of her glorious mane. Tonya and Marie smiled with pleasure as Annie’s punishment was instilled. Tracy looked at Tonya who used her index finger to point to her own eyebrows as she tapped on them. Tracy smiled and turned the clippers back on. Using her right hand, Tracy tilted Annie’s head back, forcing her face to point towards the ceiling. With no effort, Tracy used the clippers to shave off Annie’s eyebrows down to stubble. Annie began to cry harder as she could only imagine how hideous she must look. Tracy turned off the clippers and hung them up on the wall. Tracy reached inside the stainless steel container and took out a hot towel and placed it on Annie’s head. The steam was hot and Annie screamed through the duct tape. After several minutes, Tracy removed the towel and lathered Annie’s head with warm shaving cream. Another towel was applied to Annie’s buzzed scalp and allowed to cool once again. After 5 minutes, Tracy took off the towel and re-applied warm shaving cream to Annie’s head. Tracy picked up the straight razor and with skilful hands, began to shave her head completely bald. The first to go was the top of her head. Slowly, Tracy removed the shaving cream and stubble from the top of Annie’s head. Scraaaape… scraaape… the sound of the razor was heard along with Annie’s muffled cries. Tonya and Marie sat with gleaming smiles as they watched Tracy do her handiwork. Within minutes, the top of Annie’s head looked like an egg. Marie chuckled at her younger sister. Tracy tilted Annie’s helpless head to the right and shaved the left side. The right side soon followed quickly. All that remained was the back. Pushing her head forward, Tracy continued her assault on Annie’s head until the last visible sign of stubble and shaving cream were gone. With a quick motion, Tracy shaved Annie’s eyebrows smooth. Using a wet towel, Tracy wiped Annie’s head clean. Tonya and Marie were laughing at Annie’s completely bald head.

“Annie, open your eyes and take a look at your new haircut,” Tonya instructed. Annie didn’t comply. She just sat there sobbing. “Annie! I will NOT ask you again!” Tonya said with authority. Annie slowly opened her eyes. Looking directly ahead, for the first time in the big mirror behind where her mother and Marie were sitting, she saw her freshly shaved bald head. She broke down and cried even harder seeing all her beautiful red hair gone. She was hysterical seeing herself completely bald.

“What do you think?” Tracy asked Tonya with a raised brow. Tonya started to say something but was interrupted by Marie tugging on her shirt. Tonya leaned over and Marie whispered something into her ear. Both Tonya and Marie smiled and laughed aloud at her comment.

“Actually, it looks almost perfect,” Tonya said with a hint of sarcasm and playfulness. Tracy looked at Tonya with a puzzled expression. “There is one more thing you can do…” Tonya voiced with a smile.

“Sure. What is it?” Tracy questioned returning the smile.

“Could you possibly polish her head? You know, make it shiny?” Tonya intoned. Tracy smiled again as Marie laughed aloud.

“I think I have just the thing,” Tracy responded as she giggled. She reached under her workstation and took out a container. “This stuff works great!” she exclaimed as she opened the container. “The only drawback… it causes the hair follicles to close; taking it longer to start re-growing hair. We use it on the men who want their heads to stay smoother longer,” Tracy finished as she scooped out a small amount in her hand. Tonya giggled and looked at Marie. Annie began to shake frantically as she tried to mumble through the duct tape on her mouth. Even though no one could make out what she was trying to say, her eyes were pleading to her mother not to let her do it. Tonya looked at Tracy and smiled as she nodded her consent. Tracy began spreading the thick white cream over Annie’s entire head. Almost as soon as she applied the cream, it dried to a white paste. Tracy let it sit for a few minutes and then picked up a soft cloth. Annie’s body was shaking fiercely as Tracy began rubbing the cloth from side to side across Annie’s head. After 4 minutes of rubbing, Annie’s head was shining brilliantly. So much in fact, the lights from the shop were reflecting off her head. Tonya and Marie began laughing hysterically. Annie just sat there, helpless and beaten. Tracy walked in front of Annie and showed her the syringe once again. Immediately, Annie started screaming through the duct tape.

“Shush…” Tracy said softly. “Don’t worry honey, I’m not going to use this. In fact, I never intended to. It was just to scare you into sitting still while I shaved your head,” Tracy said as she squeezed the contents of the syringe into the palm of her hand and licked it off. “Just water honey.” Annie exhaled a deep sigh as she hung her head. Beaten by a practical joke, she realized. Tracy pulled off the duct tape and removed all the restraints. Annie had been beaten at her own game. Broken and humble, she just sat in the barber chair.

“I hope this will teach you a lesson Annie about your stupid practical jokes. I’m sorry it had to be this way but it was for your own good. This should be a lesson you will remember for a long time. Until further notice, you will stay bald until I think you have learned what you did to Marie was wrong,” Tonya voiced genuinely. Marie stood up and walked over to Annie and rubbed her head.

“Wow! Her head is slicker than mine mom!” Marie exclaimed. “It’s so shiny, I can see myself in it too!” Annie knew it was useless to even retaliate. Instead, she just sat there and let her sister rub her bald head and joke about it. Tonya stood and reached the money to Tracy.

“No. This one was on me. If it has taught Annie a lesson, it was well worth it,” Tracy said as she pushed Tonya’s hand away.

Tonya smiled and thanked Tracy for helping her with the girls. Annie, still in shock, kept her bald head hung low as they walked outside. She felt everyone staring at her slick, shiny bald head; she was utterly humiliated. Little did she know, this was just the beginning of her humiliating ordeal…



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