Christina, Jessica and Billie


Christina, Jessica And Billie by EddyZ

Do you know what happened to Britney Spears? You can read it in “Britney’s cut”, in which Xphile666 describes how Britney was kidnapped and robbed of her hair by a fan. Better read that story first!


“Hallo, who is calling?”

“Christina, wake up!”

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Christina Aguilera looked around at her nightstand, searching for her clock radio.

“Jesus Christ, Joe, why do you call me at this unholy hour?”

“It is 8 o’clock, Christina. I’ve been trying to find you all yesterday evening. Where have you been for Christ’s sake?”

“That is none of your business, Joe. I have no responsibility to you for what I’m doing in my own time.”

“Why couldn’t I reach you?”

“I didn’t take my portable with me. My god, can’t I be out of reach sometimes?”

“It happened to be a very inconvenient moment, Chris. You must have heard of the disappearance of Britney Spears….”

“Of course, Joe, everyone has. So what?”

“But do you know that she has showed up?”


“Yesterday in the afternoon. I immediately called you. Your answering machine said that you would call me back, but you never did.”

“I came home late. Well, she is back. And…?”

“You wouldn’t believe it! She was kidnapped by a fan and guess what! He cut off all of her hair!”

“All of it?” She started to laugh. “That serves her right, that bitch.”

“No reason to laugh, Christina. She has cleverly made use of the situation by stating that she doesn’t care being bald and that it will be her new image for some time.”

“She will keep her head shaved? Has she gone nuts?”

“I don’t think so. I said it is clever. And that is the reason that I needed to speak to you so urgently. You can’t stay behind, Christina!”

“What? Do you mean… Are you crazy?” Christina cried.

“No, I’m not. Listen, this is a big stunt of Britney. Maybe she has even planned the whole kidnapping. In any case we’ll have to take up the challenge. We must act quickly. In fact I have already made all arrangements.”

“You did what? You can’t do anything without my consent, you know that.”

“I know, but why couldn’t I reach you yesterday, damn it. I couldn’t wait. I have informed the media and made an appointment with your hairstylist. This afternoon at three o’clock.”

“Oh, no! I’ll cancel it.”

“Don’t be foolish, Christina. You’ll make yourself ridiculous if you do that.”

“Not if I tell everyone that you have arranged it without my knowledge.”

“Christina, think. I know that you are not a dumb blonde. No, you are a clever girl. Whatever you say, people will believe that you back out because you have not the guts. They will laugh at you and cheer for Britney. If you want to compete with her there is no other way.”

Christina considered these words for a few moments.

“You have entrapped me, you bastard! You might be right, but I don’t know.”

“It will be quite a happening, Christina! Press, radio, TV, all will be present. Millions of people will watch how your hair is cut off and your head shaved. Think of the publicity!”

“Yeah. I see you grinning. But I see your point too. I can’t chicken out, I realize that.” Sighs. “Okay, I’ll be there. But I’m sick to death of it. I’m just growing my hair.”

“Come on, Chrissie. It is only hair. I’m sure you will look terrific as a bald babe.”

“See you later, Joe. I hate you.”

When Christina had laid down the telephone she got very angry.

“Shit! This asshole! He didn’t allow me to dye my hair as it would be better for my career to remain blonde. And now he forces me to shave my head without any consultation with me!”

She grabbed the telephone and feverishly dialed the number of her manager. When he answered she bawled at him.

“Relax, sweetheart. I know I should have consulted you. I am very sorry. But I couldn’t wait and I couldn’t reach you, so I had no choice. It is for your own wellbeing that I did it, not for me. You should understand that.”

Now that she had vented her spleen on him, Christina felt somewhat better.

“You should not blame me but that dimwit Britney. Why has she been so stupid to have herself kidnapped?”

“Perhaps it was her intention to attract publicity. Well, I hope that her hair doesn’t grow again anyway.”

“Don’t hope that, Chris. It would be disastrous for you,” He laughed.

“You are just a pain in my ass, Joe. If I could I would fire you,” Christina joked.

“Fortunately you can’t. We are tied together.”

Indeed, Christina thought, what would I do without him?

Britney has initiated all this, Christina thought. I hate her for that. But she didn’t say that when she was interviewed by a TV reporter. She had just arrived in the big studio, which was crowded with TV- and radio- workers with their apparatus as well as with journalists.

“I’m very sorry for Britney. She was forcibly robbed of her hair. I do it of my own free will to declare my solidarity with her.”

“And for that reason you are going to sacrifice your hair?” asked Mary Lou, the reporter, unbelievingly. “I didn’t know that you were such close friends.”

“Not a friend, but a colleague.”

“And a rival, isn’t it?”

“Well, rivals are not necessary enemies, are they?”

Mary Lou smiled. “Of course not. Tell me, how do you feel? Are you nervous?”

“What d’ya think? It is no outing. I’d rather give a concert.”

“Is there any chance that today will be your first performance with your new appearance?”

“I don’t think so. I may be too emotional.”

“Well, the song of your newest video clip “Come on over baby” would be very appropriate, don’t you think? Come on over to the bald babes.” Mary Lou laughed, leaving Christina speechless. Both girls didn’t know yet that Mary Lou had spoken prophetic words….

Lauren, Christina’s stylist, scissors in one hand, stepped over to the chair where Chritina was seated. “Are you ready, Christina?”

She nodded.

“It will take some time, you know. They want it to be done slowly, so that everyone can take good images.” Lauren pointed to the battery of cameras and camcorders.

Lauren combed Christina’s hair, picked up a strand and cut it off near to her scalp. She continued doing so, picking up strands and – snip! – cutting them off.

At last only uneven spikes and wisps of blond hair were the remnants of her former long locks.

Lauren flicked on the switch of her Wahl clippers, never used before on Christna’s head, and rushed them over her head leaving only the shortest stubble. She wrapped a hot towel over the shorn head and removed it after a few minutes. She lathered Christina’s head and… no, she had never shaved a head! A barber took over to do the shaving, first with a straight razor, then a second time with a safety razor till the last vestiges of hair had disappeared.

During the shearing Christina had not showed any enotions. Now microphones were pushed under her nose.

“Christina, how do you feel?”

She smiled. “It feels cold,” she said, rubbing over her head. “Oh my god, that is weird!”

A mirror was held in front of her face but she hardly gave herself a look. She stood up

“It has been enough, boys. Game is over!” She shouted, but of course “the boys” didn’t have enough and wanted her to stay. Chtistina smiled, waved, rubbed her head with both hands and grimaced, but then she left the scene….


“David Rombach.”

“David, switch on your TV!”

“Jessica? Why? What channel?”

“Any channel. It doesn’t matter. Do it!”

Silence. Some moments later…

“What is going on? Jessica! Is that Christina Aguilera whose hair is chopped off?”

“Sure she is. Well… it seems that this is going to be a trend What are we going to do?”

“Jessica! You don’t mean… No!”

“Yes, David! Have you heard of those fans of Britney, supporting her? A number of them are following her. I have been called and asked how is Jessica Simpson thinking about this? What is she going to do?”

“Jessica, you can’t do that! That luscious mane of yours, reaching nearly mid back!”

“I know, David. I don’t like it either, but can I stay behind? What do you think people will say? She has no courage?”

“They will say that you are aping Britney and Christina.”

“No. They could have said that of Christina but she didn’t give them the opportunity. So we must be very quick too. It has to happen tomorrow. But I have an idea: I want to link it with charity. There is an organisation, called “Locks for Love”, which supplies wigs for sick and bald girls who cannot afford to pay for them. I want to donate my ponytail for that purpose and sell the remnants of my hair strand by strand to the highest bidders. So you are to organize that. Tomorrow, remember!”

David sighed. “Well, I think I have no choice. You seem determined. I hope you do the right thing.”

“Oh, I’m convinced of that. David, if I don’t do it, they will call me a chicken. And I am not.”

David had arranged everything. He had hired room in an auction building where most of the time antiques were put up for auction. Of course the media again were present in great numbers besides a mass of spectators and fans of Jessica.

Jessica addressed the public.

“Thank you for being here. I am glad that so many have come to show your interest. Britney suffered a forced loss of her hair, Christina sacrificed hers voluntarily out of solidarity. So do I but I have meant that my hair shouldn’t be wasted as it may serve the purpose to purchase wigs for those poor girls who have gone bald after chemotherapy or because of other illness and who cannot afford to pay for a wig. So my ponytail will be preserved and the remainders of my hair will be sold to the highest bidders in favor of the same purpose.

The public howled and cheered but Jessica urged them to silence.

“That is not all. We have found ten hairstylists willing to serve those of you who want to follow my example. Of course your hair should be long enough, that means at least ten inches. Those poor bald girls will be grateful. Thank you.”

Again shouting and cheering while everyone watched to see how Jessica took her place in the barber’s chair which had been put on stage. Her own hairdresser gathered her long blonde hair into a ponytail, tied it with a blue ribbon at the crown near to her scalp and severed it from her head. She held the ponytail up for a few moments before she laid it down on a table next to the chair. Then she took a lock of the remaining short hair and snipped it off. She held it up. David went to the mike.

“Does anyone want to buy this lovely lock? The money goes to “Locks of Love”. Who bids? You may call us too if you are listening or watching at home.”

In between Linda, the hairdresser, continued to lop off locks from Jessica’s head. All of them were laid on the table, after they had been tied with small ribbons in a variety of colours. Every lock yielded hundreds of dollars. At last only short wisps and spikes remained on Jessica’s head. Linda used the clippers to even up the mess and then lathered her head and shaved the last vestiges of hair away.

When Jessica stood up, the public sung spontaneously “We think we’re in love with you”, a paraphrase on the title of her newest song: “I think I’m in love with you.”

But while they sung young women, mostly longhaired teenagers, lined up in front of the ordinary straight chairs to give up their hair for charity. Within an hour 60 or 70 of them could be detected with bald heads among the public.


About the same time Billie Piper got a phone call from her manager.

“Are you watching TV, Billie? Do you see what I see?”

“Yes I do.”

“What do you think?”

“Hey Sascha, I’m not pondering about this. No way! Christina and Jessica may believe that they should walk in step with Britney but I don’t. I am Billie, for heaven’s sake, and I want to stay just as I am. It is becoming a trend one says, well, trends appear and vanish, just as quick as they came. I don’t want to belong to a boring uniformity.”

“You are right, Billie. Be yourself. No mimicry. Christina and Jessica fear loss of popularity, though they don’t say that.”

“See what I mean? Maybe a number of people don’t understand but I don’t care. My achievements count, not my appearance. Well, that is not fully true, but I would hate myself without hair.”

“So do I. Glad we agree.”

The happening after Jessica’s shearing did start a hype. It didn’t stop there and then. Junior college-students, high-school girls and other young women ran to barbershops to have their hair chopped off. It spread over the country like a wave. Junior high-school students begged their mothers for consent to have their hair cut. The mothers willingly agreed, being fed up with the time-consuming care of their daughters’ hair and disagreeably surprised when they came home with no hair at all. It became a trend, a hype, not only in the U.S.A. but it extended the frontiers: Canada, Europe….

In London, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Stockholm, everywhere young women had their heads shaved….

Britney, Christina and Jessica kept their heads shaved. No one would be the first to grow hair again. Although they wanted it so much….

But at last…Who? When? Well, everything comes to an end, just as Billie said!

The end.

Of course this story is just fiction, no reality. Remember that!


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