Buzzzzing Beauty by Jhbablon
There was a celebration in the kingdom today. There was much joy, and happiness although out the land, the Queen had given birth to a new baby daughter her name was to be Beauty. Princess Beauty was a captivating child and was given the name by her doting father, the King. One look at this child and you knew that she would grow into a stunning woman. She had a pleasant disposition, always smiling and happy, and the cutest reddish blonde wispy hair.
The celebration was in full swing in the palace. The King and Queen and their entire court was there, plus many important guests, from the surrounding kingdoms. There was much merriment, song, food, and drink, and the guests were having a glorious time celebrating this auspicious occasion. The center of attention, the girl child, lay in her cradle in the corner, tended by her nanny, fast asleep, in spite of all the festivities.
All of a sudden a cold wind blew into the main hall of the castle. All in attendance sensed an ominous presence, and fell silent. A whirl wind spun in the center of the room and when it had subsided, a small, pudgy, bald headed man dressed all in black materialized. He was struggling with a large black bag and a red carpet runner. Finally he was able to unroll the runner and announced to the stunned crowd, “May I present her most supreme evilness, Queen of Darkness, Mistress Evilora!”
The crowd was stunned, the name alone brought fear into the hearts of all in the kingdom, for Evilora was the most wicked, evil, and feared witch known. The king was doubly afraid since he made the biggest mistake in forgetting to invite her to the party. At the far end of the carpet there was a huge flash of light and the attendant puff of smoke. Out of this appeared a woman wearing a sequinned red dress, and spiky high heel shoes. She had bright red hair which was teased into a tall beehive style. Her face was a contrast of long crooked nose and pointy chin, with a mouth covered with gaudy red lipstick, and severe painted on, arched eyebrows. In her left hand was a long black cigarette holder. All in all, she didn’t look a day older than her 2042 years. She walked quickly down the red carpet runner toward the throne where the King and the Queen were seated. As she reached the end she pushed the little man in black away and addressed the King in a nasty sarcastic tone of voice. “Well hello your royal highness, nice not to invite me to your little get together.”
The King fumbled for words and said, “You must excuse me, there was a horrible mistake made with the guest list and ….” Evilora cut the King short and said, “Save the bull, you royal idiot. Let me see the child.” She walked over to the corner where young Beauty lay asleep in her crib. The King almost bolted out of his throne, and had to be restrained by the Queen. Evilora looked down at the sleeping child and said, “Ah, isn’t she precious, too bad such a lovely thing will be the cause of the ruination of your entire kingdom, my dear King.” Evilora walked quickly back to the carpet and screamed, “Albert!”
The little fat man in black came running as fast as his little squat legs could carry him, and said “Yes my exulted, most high, supreme evil…”
“Can it, Albert, and get me my spells, and hurry up about it.” Shrieked Evilora. The small man then hauled over the large black bag to where Evilora was standing. “I want number eleven forty seven”, ordered Evilora.
Albert busily rummaged though the mound of papers and handed Evilora one of them. “You idiot, that’s the wrong one. That’s the one I put on that guy who took over the Tonight Show. Eleven forty seven dummy!” Albert quickly handed her another paper, she took out her reading glasses, and scanned the sheet of paper. Pointing her long bony finger at the King she read from the page, “Boil, boil, toil, and trouble if this young thing’s head grows more than stubble, the whole kingdom will be in trouble!”
Evilora looking at the page in a disapproving manner quirked, “Yukk, Who writes this stuff anyway? What trash! Albert, make a note. I want you to fire these curse writers, and get me some new ones.”
To which Albert squeaked, “Most certainly your most high evilness”
Evilora interrupted, “Put a sock in it Albert. This party is boring. Meet me at the house in the islands.” Facing the assembled crowd she said, “Ciao all!” and with that the evil witch disappeared in a flash of light. Poor Albert was covered with soot from the flash. He dusted himself off and said, “I hate it when she does that. Worst of all she makes me fly coach!” Albert gathered together all that he brought and a second later, in a much smaller flash, he too was gone.
There was an ominous hush from the crowd, who were stunned by the preceding events. A buzz of conversation started among the assembled. The young beauty would certainly soon grow a lovely head of hair, what is to become of the kingdom? This fact was certainly not lost to the King, who sat in silent contemplation. An idea popped into his brain, and a smile started to appear on his face. He sent for the royal barber and conferred with him. After which he announced to the crowd, “My dear Subjects, In order that the kingdom be preserved, I have determined, and here by decree that my daughter, Princess Beauty, will have her head close cropped, as long as this curse be in force.”
The shock of the statement stunned the crowd. Imagine the beautiful Princess not ever being able to grow out her lovely hair. However the real wisdom of the King lay in the fact that he knew that a woman’s beauty has nothing to do with the length of her hair. In fact he had tried for the longest time, unsuccessfully, to convince the Queen that she should get a crew-cut.
And so the young Princess Beauty became more and more lovely as she grew. Her life was no different from any other princess, except for the fact that every few days she would sit in the barbers chair and have her head close cropped by the clippers. The haircut never bothered her, in fact she seemed to enjoy being buzzed. Even as a toddler she would smile and giggle as the vibrating clippers travelled over her diminutive little head. She never was envious of other little girls who had long hair, braids, or pony tails, she always considered them burdened down by the all that time- consuming growth. She would run her fingers across her furry head and laugh at the long-haired kids. As a child her hair was always clippered to within one quarter of an inch of her scalp all around, but by the time she was a teenager she started experimenting with different variations of close clippering. She had a small group of girls from the kingdom who all were into wearing short hair styles, and the whole group would go to visit the palace barber to try out new close cropped styles.
Seventeen years had gone by, and through Princess Beauty’s haircuts the Kingdom continued to thrive. Evilora, who was still busy vacationing in the islands hadn’t thought to check on how her curse was coming along. One day while faithful Albert was doing her hair, teasing and applying the five needed cans a day of hair spray, the wicked witch, happened to remember her evil spell.
“Albert!” she screamed.
The little man came running fearfully. “Yes, my most exulted and amazing supreme evilness?” he spurted.
Evilora replied in an annoyed voice, “Just call me Mistress Evilora, you idiot! Get me my crystal ball, now!” To which Albert subserviently replied, “Yes, Mistress Evilora you idiot.” and ran and retrieved the object she desired. Upon gazing into the depths of this crystal sphere Evilora was shocked to discover that the kingdom was alive and thriving. “How could this be?” thought the evil sorceress. “The King would never have let his beautiful daughter be clipped practically bald… or would he?” The next vision to appear in the ball confirmed her suspicions. There sitting in the palace barber chair was a lovely young woman, whose head was about to be buzzed all so close with clippers. “Why that puny little potentate probably has a hair fetish,” Evilora thought to herself. “I’ve obviously miscalculated, but this too can be compensated for. Albert!” she screamed once more.
“Yes, Mistress..” he replied, but was cut off by Evilora who screamed, “Oh, shut up, and get me my spells.”
Dutiful Albert dragged over the heavy black bag. Evilora reached in and instinctively grabbed a piece of paper and looked it over. “Ahh, this shall do just fine.” She started to recite the fateful rhyme. “Hocus Pocus fidget and fuss, if you want the kingdom to go bust, all that cuts hair must turn to rust.”
Meanwhile back in the kingdom, the Royal Barber, his clippers with a #2 guide attached, was about to buzz the head of the princess. As the whirring black Oster machine approached the dainty head of the Royal heir, there was a sudden stall as the machine ceased to vibrate and made an awful sound. The Barber unplugged the clippers and examined the cutting head. He could not believe his eyes, the blades that he oiled just 20 minutes ago were now a mass of corroded rust, fused together, and irreparable. He quickly examined all his tools of the trade, from shears to razors, and as unbelievable as it seemed anything with a sharp edge had suffered the same fate his beloved Osters. Princess Beauty meantime had fallen into a deep trance like sleep, and her strawberry blonde locks started to grow at a prodigious rate. The same phenomenon reoccurred all thoughout the Kingdom, not a single edge that was sharp was left. The populace soon started leave in droves as they envisioned that the country would soon be a very hairy place. Even the King and Queen were forced to abandon their throne, and leave the Kingdom. The King having to move in with his brother-in- law who ruled the neighboring Kingdom. So our little Kingdom was soon abandoned by all except for Beauty, who snored away as she slept in the Royal Barber’s Chair.
In a far away kingdom lived a young lad named Michael. Michael had studied to be a hair cutter, and had just graduated top in his class at the Royal Academy. Unfortunately there was a surplus of haircutters in this kingdom, so Michael was making plans to leave and seek his fortune elsewhere. Since he knew that he would be travelling, he decided to have all his tools made out of rust-proof stainless steel so as not to corrode during the journey.
So our young man packed his tools and set out to find his fortune. Michael traveled far and wide and visited many kingdoms in his travels, but although he did a few haircuts here and there, he did not did not find the place he felt he could call home. Finally after many months he wandered into the deserted kingdom where in Beauty did sleep. As he walked into the town he was greeted by the eerie feeling of silence of this deserted place with only the occasional whistle of the wind or the creak of an old door, to break the peace. He could not believe his eyes as he walked past deserted houses, shops, and businesses all left without a soul. As he approached the castle he saw that it too was empty and devoid of habitation. He entered the large gate at the front, walking through unchallenged, since there were no guards to man their post. Across the court yard and into the building he went, encountering no one in his path. As he entered the huge main hall he thought for a second he heard a sound. “It must be the wind”, he thought to himself. However as strained to listen, he realized that the sound was definitely there, and was coming from somewhere in the east tower.
He quickly climbed the steps to the tower, and finally came to a room with a large wooden door. The sound was much louder now, and if he could believe his ears it sounded like someone snoring!. The sign on the door read “Ye Royal Barbershop”. He tried the handle: it was unlocked so he entered.
As he swung the huge door open his eyes greeted a truly strange sight!. There sitting in the barber’s chair was a beautiful young girl snoring away fast asleep! What was really strange was that her reddish blonde hair had grown incredibly long maybe 20 feet, it was hard to judge since it covered the floor all over the room like some strange creeping vine. Michael entered slowly and approached her. He tried to make some noise to maybe wake her, even shouted, “Hello Miss, wake up!”, but nothing he did seemed to break the spell of her deep sleep. As he studied her face he wondered, “She is beautiful, but that hair! It just has to go! I bet she would look dynamite in a nice short crew cut!” He reached into his bag and pulled out his clippers. He grabbed a #2 guide and put it on. Then approaching her he flipped on his battery powered machine and proceeded to bring it down upon her forehead in the middle. The clippers started to buzz a soft furry wake on her hairy head, he pushed them slowly across the middle of her whole head. The long hair didn’t fall to the floor, it slithered! After a couple of passes the top of her head had been reduced to reddish blonde fur. He then proceeded on the left side and then the right. All the hair that was long was now in the back of her head. He lifted her head forward and proceeded to buzz up her neck to the back of her head. Finally the last of her long hair lay on the floor. At that very moment she stopped snoring, and started to wiggle her nose a little. She opened her mouth, and gave a wide and long yawn. With her eyes still closed, she brought her hands to her head and felt the newly shorn fuzz that covered her head. A smile immediately appeared on her lips, as she said almost instinctively, “Could you shave the sides up to the top of the ear, and blend the rest into top?”
Michael quickly removed the guide, and with the bare head on the clippers, started to fulfill her request. As he finished the job he could see another smile of pleasure beam onto her face. Finally Beauty opened her eyes and gazed upon her newly shorn head in the mirror. She moved her head back and forth checking the look from all angles, as she is doing this she said, “Nice job Henry, you’ve out-done yourself on this one!” Michael immediately spoke up, “Excuse me Miss, but my name is Michael not Henry.” At that instant Beauty snapped into reality, turned around and looked at Michael with a look of confusion, and amazement. “Your not Henry! What is going on? What happened here?”
Michael bowed and replied, “Michael, the hair cutter, at your service Miss. I saw the hairy mess that you had gotten yourself into, and decided to help out.” To which Beauty, who by now had see the floor strewn with mounds and mounds of reddish blond locks, answered, “Well thank you Michael, you did an excellent job, much better than my old barber.” Beauty, who by now had checked out the handsome young man’s fine points, added, “and I lot better looking I might add.” Beauty, who was never known as a shy lass, jumped out of the barber’s chair, and wrapped her arms around a surprised Michael. Their lips are about to meet, when all of a sudden the moment is shattered by a panicky voice that calls to them, “Quick, quick my dear ones, you must leave this place at once, or my evil mistress, Evilora will discover you!”
It was Albert running as fast as his squat little legs could carry him into the remains of the Royal Barber Shop. Michael and Beauty were totally surprised at this intrusion, and when they finally made sense of the message, and were about to flee, they realized that it was too late. For in the doorway in stood a figure, with bright red teased hair, and an emanating wickedness, it was the one and only Evilora. She brought her nasty gaze upon the hapless young couple, and addressed them with an ominous smirk upon her ugly face.
“Aha, what do we have here now?” she said, laughing out loud with a horribly sinister laugh “I think I have found those who would seek to undo my spell! I’ll show you two little meddlers that you don’t mess with the Queen of Dark, Mistress of Malevolence, Purveyor of Nastiness – Yes the Great and all Powerful Evilora!” As the horrible witch entered the room, and walked closer and closer, our unfortunate couple started to shiver in fear, clutching each other, not knowing what dreadful fate awaits them. As the red headed witch approached, she failed to notice a mound of Beauty’s severed locks that lay in her path. Her foot stepped upon the severed locks, and the old crone lost her balance, and fell forward. On the way down, her head struck the Barber’s chair, and she hit the floor unconscious. Alfred, who was hiding in the corner of the room, ran up quickly, picked up the dazed hag, and sat her in the Barber’s chair. Alfred passed a look to Michael, who with almost telepathic speed knows what is in the mind of the little servant. Michael tossed his clippers to Albert, who snapped them on in a second. With a quick decisive movements the small man sank the vibrating blades into Evilora’s bright red bouffant teased hairdo. Quickly, the buzzing blades leave a white swath down the middle of the evil sorceress’s head. Alfred, working the clippers with lighting speed, continued to detonate the red teased disaster that tops the head of Evilora. Finally there was only one puff of teased hair remaining on the left hand side of her head, but Michael’s fine cutting engine made quick work of the final remnant of the horrible hairdo.
Evilora, now starting to look a little better, sans that dreadful hair, was ready for the final shave. Michael anticipating this move had been mixing up a batch of shaving lather, and sharpening his straight razor. Albert moved over, to let Michael work on the still unconscious Evilora. Michael carefully lathered up the freshly clippered scalp on the Mistress of Mayhem, carefully covering her entire pate with the fluffy white lather. Using all his skill and experience Michael set the razor down at the front of the foamy head. With precision short strokes, our young barber shaved the wicked witch’s head smooth and clean. He constantly checked the smoothness of his work, making sure that this witch will be bald bald bald! At last he scraped off the last trace of lather on the smooth and now shining head. All of a sudden a glow surrounded the body of the unconscious biddy. A transformation of the ugly old body began to take place. The participants were in awe as a new being morphed from the old. At almost the exact instant poor little Alfred also underwent a similar metamorphosis. Within a few minutes both Evilora and Alfred emerged transformed. Alfred changed into a tall handsome prince, with a clean head, and the dreaded Evilora transforms into a beautiful shapely young woman, smooth and exotic. The two regained consciousness like someone awaking from a deep slumber. They looked upon one another and smile, reaching out, they embraced and kissed.
The young women spoke first, “Ah, my beloved Prince Alfred, I am so glad to behold your form again!”
The tall Prince answered quickly, kissing her hand, “No it is I who treasure this moment my dearest Princess Eve.”
The beautiful young women addressed Princess Beauty and Michael, “My name is Princess Eve, and this is my lover Prince Alfred. We have been under the spell of an evil sorcerer for hundreds of years. When my head was shaved, the spell was finally broken, and both of us were returned to our original form. I am sorry for all the trouble that I may have caused you, and will do all in my power to make things right again.”
Princess Eve is a actually a good witch, and with her powers began to rebuild the little kingdom. The King and Queen returned to rule, and all the subjects rejoice as the economy of the kingdom thrived. Michael married Princess Beauty, who found certain advantages in having a barber for a husband, considering her desire to keep her head well buzzed. Eve and Alfred invited Beauty and Michael to come live with them in their place in the islands. In spite of the King and Queen’s plea, Beauty and Michael accepted the invitation, and soon opened a haircutting establishment in the islands, known as ‘Beauty’s Salon’. Last I heard at least, they are living happily ever after. BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ